Conditions - Breaking News!!!

Apparently Ninny has issued a set of conditions for my reinstatement over in the Fascist State of gV where she rules with a steam iron. I am unable to access the forums, of course, receiving the terse but informative reason for my banning of "Shove Off" if I attempt to access the site, but a kind soul has emailed me with a copy of her demands:

1. Must treat Colleen as if she has at least half a brain.
2. Must 'like' at least 30% of posts on a daily basis by Nina, Mars, Earth, Lain, Lias, Cody, Colleen, Tarzan, Dave, Ajax, Jez and further alts to be communicated as required.
3. Must make at least one spelling error in every sentance [sic] so that others won't feel inferior.
4. Must desist from posting in any thread for 24 hours as soon as anybody uses the safewords and phrases "I feel insulted", "you have hurt my feelings" or "why do you keep posting those photos of dead cats you mean, mean, mean person".
5. Must not make alluring female alt and must not complain when the Tarzan/Clancy/Lain/Bams/Bunnie gestalt sends unacceptably filthy PMs (I am not sure whether my source has this wrong, and "not" should be omitted.)
6.Must not point out when Lias lies, contradicts herself or whinges like the little girliekins she isn't.
7. Must not publicly proclaim (as Love did, without any sanction at all) the incompetence, ignorance, vindictiveness, favouritism or power-lust or any other accurate observations which might further undermine the already negative credibility of Nina and her mindless alt modules.
8. Must avoid pointing out the hysterionic behaviour of members who present themselves as female, thereby avoiding sexism by only criticising males.
9. Must stop posting all those lies in Pep's blog and SLConfidential.
10 Must stop posting the truth in SLU and SC2.
11. Must stop reminding Cody of the time he got completely pwned by Pep.
12. Must stop suggesting that Nina has demonstrated, to her serried ranks of critics who want to shout "Neenawneenaw, told you so", her moronic hypocrisy and hyper-sensitive susceptibility to butthurt hissyfits, by ignoring her own Community Standards and avowed philosophy.
13. Must stop suggesting that Nina is close to a breakdown after being dumped by Briana for pretty much the reasons suggested in the conditions above.
14. Must not use words longer than three syllables, or shorter ones that make Nina and her gang of trolls have to look up their meaning, yet still fail to understand what has been clearly said.
15. Must stop posting civilised, logical, cogent, rational, and coherent arguments explaining the inadequacies and inconsistencies of Nina's autocratic and duplicitous tyranny.
16. Must post using two separate smilies (to be specially commissioned) to indicate the incidence, and difference between, Pep's "sarcastic" and "sardonic" posts.
17. Must explain the difference between "sarcastic" and "sardonic" when challenged to do so, but must cease explaining it when it becomes apparent that it isn't understood.
18. Must deliberately mix up "its" and "it's" for consistency with its use by the moronic minority of semi-literates, both EFL and ESL.
19. Must ignore claims that Lain/Bams has ever or would ever hack a forum, as it's blatantly obvious that she is not sufficiently technically competent to do so.

I was sure there was a 20th condition, but perhaps it got deleted. Perhaps, if you have a suggestion as to what it might be you could submit it in a comment?

PS I have had to communicate to Ninny that I am unable to accept these Conditions, since, if I tried very hard I could probably commit to satisfying all of them except for one. Yes, #1.